well, for now:
http://corrupttothebones.tumblr.com
i just find tumblr a lot easier, personally, partly because i'm lazy and don't like blogging long posts, and also it's easier to share things i find instead of being really obvious about it like "HEY GUYS look at this cool thing i found". uhh. also i blog awkwardly, so i just tumble now.
ciaooo x
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
jc
but oh, i'm so needy i am secretly begging you to chase after me.
sin is honoring desire above what you know is right.
sin is honoring desire above what you know is right.
gone and you don't know why
i will not have a free weekend until after i take the sat in 2 weeks. which does not make as much of a difference as you'd think, because lately my friends have almost all been pissing me off.
they - not all of them, but a good number - are so preoccupied, with grades and college and being the best, and judgemental, that because they've never gotten a detention (or worse) or smoked anything they're better than the other half of people i know - including me - , and desperate, to hang out with guys none of them actually like.
yeah, they have their moments. i like them most of the time. these are the qualities that, after years of being around them, after my need for a niche on this coast has been met, after i've had the chance to know them, are starting to kill me.
they like me most of the time. as vain as it sounds i believe most of the people who can see a certain side of me do... but i can never like anyone all of the time, and to love? the idea is inconceivable.
not even you. i thought you were different in my mind, but my affection for you ricochets between "madly in like" and "want to smash your head into a concrete wall" and bounces off every in-between you could possibly imagine, depending on your noticeable affection for me that day and the date of your last haircut (the farther away, the better... within reason).
the worst part is, you seem to be exactly the same as me in this aspect.
i am a shallow, narcissistic, moody, reckless, ruthless, oblivious, selfish, needy, careless, stubborn, manipulative, utterly unfeeling, hypersensitive, terrible, terrible person. i cease to be all but 2 or 3 around you, and then i pretend the rest have never existed in my being.
the strange part is, i wish it were true.
i do want you. i just don't want you with me. does that make sense? i care too much about you to want to corrupt you, take everything out of you, treat you like shit, ...break your heart. which is inevitable.
i don't care that you might be exactly the same - if you end up so, i wouldn't want to be with you at all.
it's better that you remain an idea, a symbol, a dream - something perfect in my conception of this world if not in reality. allow me to continue fabricating your thoughts, your wishes, your story. in my mind, all i have is true, and can remain so.
and maybe it's better for you, too, if i remain nothing more than the green light at the end of a dock. the closer i am to the stars in your world, the farther i am from where i think i might have to end up.
i think i'll go back to tumbling. this is harder and less fun and i always end up sharing too little or far too much.
they - not all of them, but a good number - are so preoccupied, with grades and college and being the best, and judgemental, that because they've never gotten a detention (or worse) or smoked anything they're better than the other half of people i know - including me - , and desperate, to hang out with guys none of them actually like.
yeah, they have their moments. i like them most of the time. these are the qualities that, after years of being around them, after my need for a niche on this coast has been met, after i've had the chance to know them, are starting to kill me.
they like me most of the time. as vain as it sounds i believe most of the people who can see a certain side of me do... but i can never like anyone all of the time, and to love? the idea is inconceivable.
not even you. i thought you were different in my mind, but my affection for you ricochets between "madly in like" and "want to smash your head into a concrete wall" and bounces off every in-between you could possibly imagine, depending on your noticeable affection for me that day and the date of your last haircut (the farther away, the better... within reason).
the worst part is, you seem to be exactly the same as me in this aspect.
i am a shallow, narcissistic, moody, reckless, ruthless, oblivious, selfish, needy, careless, stubborn, manipulative, utterly unfeeling, hypersensitive, terrible, terrible person. i cease to be all but 2 or 3 around you, and then i pretend the rest have never existed in my being.
the strange part is, i wish it were true.
i do want you. i just don't want you with me. does that make sense? i care too much about you to want to corrupt you, take everything out of you, treat you like shit, ...break your heart. which is inevitable.
i don't care that you might be exactly the same - if you end up so, i wouldn't want to be with you at all.
it's better that you remain an idea, a symbol, a dream - something perfect in my conception of this world if not in reality. allow me to continue fabricating your thoughts, your wishes, your story. in my mind, all i have is true, and can remain so.
and maybe it's better for you, too, if i remain nothing more than the green light at the end of a dock. the closer i am to the stars in your world, the farther i am from where i think i might have to end up.
i think i'll go back to tumbling. this is harder and less fun and i always end up sharing too little or far too much.
Friday, January 15, 2010
hey, tina,
stop pretending he doesn't exist. it does nothing, and if you keep it up, he'll stop caring that you do
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
"these streets will make you feel brand new; the lights will inspire you"
that quote (well, lyric, by jay-z, but i've never heard the song) sums it up - my idea of the eternal, pulsing energy of the bright-lit city that never sleeps.
i want it. i want it all.maybe i just wanna fly
i don't really know what to post here, since i have a tumblr, so:
this is a runway look i really like. i'd so wear that on the streets of some cool city.
like this one:
yeah, i wish i were her.
this is a runway look i really like. i'd so wear that on the streets of some cool city.like this one:
yeah, i wish i were her.goodnight. i should probably get some sleep while my sleep schedule is relatively regular.
1984
Winston: I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don't want any virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones.
Julia: Well then, I ought to suit you, dear. I'm corrupt to the bones.
Julia: Well then, I ought to suit you, dear. I'm corrupt to the bones.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
2012
as twisted as it sounds, the idea of disaster is strangely beautiful.
i can imagine it. driving in my car, seeing fireballs plummeting to earth all around me. skyscrapers like a jenga game, broken glass everywhere. an onset of ocean waves, approaching faster than i could think to do anything but laugh. yeah, i can only see myself laughing, while seeing the world as i know it collapsing before my very eyes.
not a crazed, manic, in denial laugh. a laugh ringing of jubilance and victory and adrenaline amusement exaltation incredulity exhaustion relief happiness freedom. not that i'd be able to hear it, you know, with the explosions and screams and breaking glass and car alarms and whatnot. i think it'd be kind of fun, since there wouldn't be anything to worry about from the result.
it's nice to know there's an end, and if i can't live forever, at least i know it'll be over someday.
i can imagine it. driving in my car, seeing fireballs plummeting to earth all around me. skyscrapers like a jenga game, broken glass everywhere. an onset of ocean waves, approaching faster than i could think to do anything but laugh. yeah, i can only see myself laughing, while seeing the world as i know it collapsing before my very eyes.
not a crazed, manic, in denial laugh. a laugh ringing of jubilance and victory and adrenaline amusement exaltation incredulity exhaustion relief happiness freedom. not that i'd be able to hear it, you know, with the explosions and screams and breaking glass and car alarms and whatnot. i think it'd be kind of fun, since there wouldn't be anything to worry about from the result.
and how it would look! explosions in the sky? crevasses exposing another layer? the ocean engulfing the mountains? and the sound of the sound barrier breaking.
it's nice to know there's an end, and if i can't live forever, at least i know it'll be over someday.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
11th dimension
reasons i didn't go to homecoming:
i didn't want to go with the person who was going to ask me
the person who was going to ask me ultimately did not
almost all of my friends had dates from the same group as the aforementioned person
all of their dates were... out there. another reason: i'm an immature brat.
but mainly because i knew you weren't going to be there.
i've forgotten everything about the day because i'm so tired. i tire of people easily, except you i guess. you're a constant contradiction. if something is unendurable in others, i adore it in you. i'm oblivious and walk into things and am the last to know, but if something is wrong with us i notice immediately. i think i've skipped a class mainly to see you. tonight i lied, went to san francisco, pretended to go to homecoming, instead ate chinese takeout and watched an audrey hepburn movie, changed into my homecoming dress, drove around, broke curfew, and illegally transported a minor just to avoid not seeing you. double negative double contradiction doublethink sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep forever
my god. i never wanted this to happen because love, more so than beauty, intelligence, charisma, or a gun, is power, and the last thing i want is for you to hold power over me. if i was capable of learning i'd say that could only end badly.
i can't. i'm a machine. crisis averted. not. disaster avoidance avoided. this is why i have to break the rules because if i don't i'm a robot i'm not right i'm less right than i was
but robots don't sleep
i didn't want to go with the person who was going to ask me
the person who was going to ask me ultimately did not
almost all of my friends had dates from the same group as the aforementioned person
all of their dates were... out there. another reason: i'm an immature brat.
but mainly because i knew you weren't going to be there.
i've forgotten everything about the day because i'm so tired. i tire of people easily, except you i guess. you're a constant contradiction. if something is unendurable in others, i adore it in you. i'm oblivious and walk into things and am the last to know, but if something is wrong with us i notice immediately. i think i've skipped a class mainly to see you. tonight i lied, went to san francisco, pretended to go to homecoming, instead ate chinese takeout and watched an audrey hepburn movie, changed into my homecoming dress, drove around, broke curfew, and illegally transported a minor just to avoid not seeing you. double negative double contradiction doublethink sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep forever
my god. i never wanted this to happen because love, more so than beauty, intelligence, charisma, or a gun, is power, and the last thing i want is for you to hold power over me. if i was capable of learning i'd say that could only end badly.
i can't. i'm a machine. crisis averted. not. disaster avoidance avoided. this is why i have to break the rules because if i don't i'm a robot i'm not right i'm less right than i was
but robots don't sleep
Friday, October 23, 2009
maybe you're the same as me
i couldn't begin to explain what you mean to me. you're weird and standoffish with multiple personalities and acne and clothes that are too big for you. you're awkward and confusing and a jerk and your friends are just as bad but somehow when i see you none of that matters anymore.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
california
driving with the windows down, wind in my hair, laughing smiling crying, ocean spray, salt tangled hair, fog forming the edge of the earth, magnetic turf, smell of scorching rubber, wide blue sky same sky keeping me sane distracting from those blue eyes. cherry cola, sunshine, candy eyes, disco balls, fish lips, fishnets, sporadic pouring rain. reptilia reptilia reptilia, this is it, despair kill me rip me apart locked box scribbling ink stains blood stains end this for me. fallen pedestal reorientation suntanned klutz. green grass, sun eyes, sprinklers "look out it's raining" skater boys sideways smiles messy hair up on a hill, stop to pretend, stop pretending, elation, desperation, lumberjack plaid, from at the top of the world to stuck in the middle with you. shiny cars, grassy lawns, sparkling facade, city lights, racing against sunbeams, living forever. orange juice dripping down your chin, sequins and faux fur, we bleed purple, cigarette smoke, ornate intricate jeweled music, minimalist, fairy lights, black and white, voice like money. smudged eyeliner, cappuccino froyo liberally adorned with rainbow sprinkles 40 pushups conceptual physics chocolate cheesecake bowling ball forever unfulfilled. hpg, ap carpet, bleacher, white shirt, apple, you, thank you
glance
i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry if i could i'd take back every last time i made it seem like i cared any less than i do... which is nearly all the time. i don't expect you to understand why because i haven't any idea myself.
just know i'd give up almost everything for this to be right.
just know i'd give up almost everything for this to be right.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
forever unfulfilled
9-16-09, a new date to add to my concert shoes.
another story to tell
but it did nothing for me.
another story to tell
but it did nothing for me.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
what goes on
arctic monkeys
hpg
Someone
music
psychology project
need to catch up in stat
piano sometime
fire
politics
flyers uncle sam i want you
hpg
poof
somethingsomethingsomething
orbit
need sleep food
stop
hpg
Someone
music
psychology project
need to catch up in stat
piano sometime
fire
politics
flyers uncle sam i want you
hpg
poof
somethingsomethingsomething
orbit
need sleep food
stop
there ain't no romance around here
seeing them tomorrow.
back when i started getting into music a few years ago, my taste was growing in 2 directions: pop-punk and post-punk revival/indie. i've followed the latter almost exclusively since i started high school, but arctic monkeys were there from the start. anti-fall out boy. even through /that/ phase they were still at the top of my list.
and now... i'm finally seeing them. where i've been, where i should have stayed.
i guess they're still at the top, besides the strokes.
i want it all i just can't figure out... nothing
back when i started getting into music a few years ago, my taste was growing in 2 directions: pop-punk and post-punk revival/indie. i've followed the latter almost exclusively since i started high school, but arctic monkeys were there from the start. anti-fall out boy. even through /that/ phase they were still at the top of my list.
and now... i'm finally seeing them. where i've been, where i should have stayed.
i guess they're still at the top, besides the strokes.
i want it all i just can't figure out... nothing
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