11th dimension

reasons i didn't go to homecoming:
i didn't want to go with the person who was going to ask me
the person who was going to ask me ultimately did not
almost all of my friends had dates from the same group as the aforementioned person
all of their dates were... out there. another reason: i'm an immature brat.
but mainly because i knew you weren't going to be there.

i've forgotten everything about the day because i'm so tired. i tire of people easily, except you i guess. you're a constant contradiction. if something is unendurable in others, i adore it in you. i'm oblivious and walk into things and am the last to know, but if something is wrong with us i notice immediately. i think i've skipped a class mainly to see you. tonight i lied, went to san francisco, pretended to go to homecoming, instead ate chinese takeout and watched an audrey hepburn movie, changed into my homecoming dress, drove around, broke curfew, and illegally transported a minor just to avoid not seeing you. double negative double contradiction doublethink sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep forever

my god. i never wanted this to happen because love, more so than beauty, intelligence, charisma, or a gun, is power, and the last thing i want is for you to hold power over me. if i was capable of learning i'd say that could only end badly.
i can't. i'm a machine. crisis averted. not. disaster avoidance avoided. this is why i have to break the rules because if i don't i'm a robot i'm not right i'm less right than i was
but robots don't sleep