hey, tina,

stop pretending he doesn't exist. it does nothing, and if you keep it up, he'll stop caring that you do

and you

i don't care if it hurts
i want to have control
i want a perfect body
i want a perfect soul

"these streets will make you feel brand new; the lights will inspire you"

that quote (well, lyric, by jay-z, but i've never heard the song) sums it up - my idea of the eternal, pulsing energy of the bright-lit city that never sleeps.



i want it. i want it all.

maybe i just wanna fly

i don't really know what to post here, since i have a tumblr, so:

this is a runway look i really like. i'd so wear that on the streets of some cool city.
like this one:

yeah, i wish i were her.

goodnight. i should probably get some sleep while my sleep schedule is relatively regular.

1984

Winston: I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don't want any virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones.

Julia: Well then, I ought to suit you, dear. I'm corrupt to the bones.

2012

as twisted as it sounds, the idea of disaster is strangely beautiful.
i can imagine it. driving in my car, seeing fireballs plummeting to earth all around me. skyscrapers like a jenga game, broken glass everywhere. an onset of ocean waves, approaching faster than i could think to do anything but laugh. yeah, i can only see myself laughing, while seeing the world as i know it collapsing before my very eyes.
not a crazed, manic, in denial laugh. a laugh ringing of jubilance and victory and adrenaline amusement exaltation incredulity exhaustion relief happiness freedom. not that i'd be able to hear it, you know, with the explosions and screams and breaking glass and car alarms and whatnot. i think it'd be kind of fun, since there wouldn't be anything to worry about from the result.

and how it would look! explosions in the sky? crevasses exposing another layer? the ocean engulfing the mountains? and the sound of the sound barrier breaking.

it's nice to know there's an end, and if i can't live forever, at least i know it'll be over someday.

11th dimension

reasons i didn't go to homecoming:
i didn't want to go with the person who was going to ask me
the person who was going to ask me ultimately did not
almost all of my friends had dates from the same group as the aforementioned person
all of their dates were... out there. another reason: i'm an immature brat.
but mainly because i knew you weren't going to be there.

i've forgotten everything about the day because i'm so tired. i tire of people easily, except you i guess. you're a constant contradiction. if something is unendurable in others, i adore it in you. i'm oblivious and walk into things and am the last to know, but if something is wrong with us i notice immediately. i think i've skipped a class mainly to see you. tonight i lied, went to san francisco, pretended to go to homecoming, instead ate chinese takeout and watched an audrey hepburn movie, changed into my homecoming dress, drove around, broke curfew, and illegally transported a minor just to avoid not seeing you. double negative double contradiction doublethink sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep forever

my god. i never wanted this to happen because love, more so than beauty, intelligence, charisma, or a gun, is power, and the last thing i want is for you to hold power over me. if i was capable of learning i'd say that could only end badly.
i can't. i'm a machine. crisis averted. not. disaster avoidance avoided. this is why i have to break the rules because if i don't i'm a robot i'm not right i'm less right than i was
but robots don't sleep